Sometimes no plan is the best plan

Welcome to the June 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Embracing Your Birth Experience

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about at least one part of their birth experience that they can hold up and cherish.


For those of you who might have missed the news earlier, I’m 20 weeks pregnant. I’ve been talking to my midwife about the upcoming birth and she is very keen on water birth. She said she loved watching the women’s faces relax as they submerge themselves into the warm water and that the water made the pain more distant.

It’s probably going to be my last birth. Part of me wants to take this last chance to have a water birth experience and I’ll probably tell my midwife to run with it. But another part doesn’t want a plan. When we plan and we don’t get what we planned for we tend to feel let down. And sometimes things just happen not the way we expect or to fast to follow a plan. I think I’d be happy to just make it to the birth centre in time.

I had a very short labour giving birth to my daughter.

The contractions started. I spent about an hour or so trying to figure out if it was labour or not (having gone through

I was very apologetic when I got there. I had read that the second labour took on average half the time of the first one, so I expected to be there for a very long time. I felt bad that I had called the midwife so early on, but then I could hardly ignore the fact that the contractions were only 4 minutes apart. a false alarm a few days earlier). My husband and I spent another hour waiting for my brother–in-law to arrive to look after the kids and then we headed to the birth centre.

Then I felt sharp pain. I remember thinking, “If this is getting this painful so early on, I won’t last without pain killers.” Next thing I knew I was pushing. 20 minutes later my baby was in my arms. 3.5 hours from the very first contraction (compare that to more than 24 hours the first time).

Moments after birth

There is no way I could have predicted it. If I had had a plan, I might have been disappointed that I didn’t have any time to put it into place or that I didn’t feel as empowered as after my first birth experience (because I didn’t feel that I had done much). I might have wished to have more detailed memories as opposed to having everything run in fast-forward mode. With no set expectations, I was able to truly appreciate how quick, natural and relatively painless my daughter’s birth was and all that mattered was that we were both well.  I want to look back at my upcoming birth with the same sense of appreciation.


Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Hobo Mama and Code Name: MamaVisit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon June 12 with all the carnival links.)


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  1. says

    I think the best use of plans is to protect your birthing ‘space’. To act as a bit of a barricade between you and a team that doesn’t share your goals. But if you already have that support and that safe space to work in, then you’re right – no plan. Let it surprise you again! I hope it goes well and you have 3 wonderfully different births experiences to carry with you.

  2. says

    You’re not alone in that worry of “if I make a plan I’ll lose everything I planned for” fear! We are not yet pregnant with our second, but after the events that transpired with the birth of our son, I know that I’ll have the same fears! We had every detail of a natural home waterbirth planned and got almost the exact opposite when I ended up with severe preeclampsia.

    Yet, having those plans in motion and in your mind does give you that positive vision and image to hold onto during the tough times. I suppose it’s all about finding the right balance. Desiring that perfect birth, but being able to accept the things that occur that you have no control over is something we all have to strive for, I guess.

    Congratulations on your pregnancy! Best of luck to you in whatever you decide to do! :)
    Leah McDermott recently posted..Summer Blog Challenge #12

  3. says

    Birth is such a hot topic. So many people out there with so many opinions. For me, I had 3 drug free deliveries all in different hospitals and all with hard lessons learned after each one. My whole ‘plan’ from the begining for each though was the same and that was to be as mentally strong and internally focused as possible. I knew it was me that was going to do this and me that was the power holder.
    I hated hearing about ‘birth plans’ cause there was only stories of disappointment and regret when really the plan should always be to get the baby out as safely as possible with as little intervention as possible.
    I wish you all the strength and support to enjoy this final delivery. x
    Claudia recently posted..Food for thought…….

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