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Sometimes no plan is the best plan

Welcome to the June 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Embracing Your Birth Experience

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about at least one part of their birth experience that they can hold up and cherish.

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For those of you who might have missed the news earlier, I’m 20 weeks pregnant. I’ve been talking to my midwife about the upcoming birth and she is very keen on water birth. She said she loved watching the women’s faces relax as they submerge themselves into the warm water and that the water made the pain more distant.

It’s probably going to be my last birth. Part of me wants to take this last chance to have a water birth experience and I’ll probably tell my midwife to run with it. But another part doesn’t want a plan. When we plan and we don’t get what we planned for we tend to feel let down. And sometimes things just happen not the way we expect or to fast to follow a plan. I think I’d be happy to just make it to the birth centre in time.

I had a very short labour giving birth to my daughter.

The contractions started. I spent about an hour or so trying to figure out if it was labour or not (having gone through

I was very apologetic when I got there. I had read that the second labour took on average half the time of the first one, so I expected to be there for a very long time. I felt bad that I had called the midwife so early on, but then I could hardly ignore the fact that the contractions were only 4 minutes apart. a false alarm a few days earlier). My husband and I spent another hour waiting for my brother–in-law to arrive to look after the kids and then we headed to the birth centre.

Then I felt sharp pain. I remember thinking, “If this is getting this painful so early on, I won’t last without pain killers.” Next thing I knew I was pushing. 20 minutes later my baby was in my arms. 3.5 hours from the very first contraction (compare that to more than 24 hours the first time).

Moments after birth

There is no way I could have predicted it. If I had had a plan, I might have been disappointed that I didn’t have any time to put it into place or that I didn’t feel as empowered as after my first birth experience (because I didn’t feel that I had done much). I might have wished to have more detailed memories as opposed to having everything run in fast-forward mode. With no set expectations, I was able to truly appreciate how quick, natural and relatively painless my daughter’s birth was and all that mattered was that we were both well.  I want to look back at my upcoming birth with the same sense of appreciation.

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Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Hobo Mama and Code Name: MamaVisit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon June 12 with all the carnival links.)

 

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14 Responses to Sometimes no plan is the best plan
  1. KrissyFair
    June 12, 2012 | 11:28 pm

    I think the best use of plans is to protect your birthing ‘space’. To act as a bit of a barricade between you and a team that doesn’t share your goals. But if you already have that support and that safe space to work in, then you’re right – no plan. Let it surprise you again! I hope it goes well and you have 3 wonderfully different births experiences to carry with you.

  2. Leah McDermott
    June 12, 2012 | 11:30 pm

    You’re not alone in that worry of “if I make a plan I’ll lose everything I planned for” fear! We are not yet pregnant with our second, but after the events that transpired with the birth of our son, I know that I’ll have the same fears! We had every detail of a natural home waterbirth planned and got almost the exact opposite when I ended up with severe preeclampsia.

    Yet, having those plans in motion and in your mind does give you that positive vision and image to hold onto during the tough times. I suppose it’s all about finding the right balance. Desiring that perfect birth, but being able to accept the things that occur that you have no control over is something we all have to strive for, I guess.

    Congratulations on your pregnancy! Best of luck to you in whatever you decide to do! :)
    Leah McDermott recently posted..Summer Blog Challenge #12

  3. Dionna @ Code Name: Mama
    June 12, 2012 | 11:36 pm

    Running in fast forward – that is exactly how my second birth felt. I loved every short minute of it :) Wishing you a peaceful water birth full of wonderful memories for this baby!

  4. Claudia
    June 13, 2012 | 7:42 am

    Birth is such a hot topic. So many people out there with so many opinions. For me, I had 3 drug free deliveries all in different hospitals and all with hard lessons learned after each one. My whole ‘plan’ from the begining for each though was the same and that was to be as mentally strong and internally focused as possible. I knew it was me that was going to do this and me that was the power holder.
    I hated hearing about ‘birth plans’ cause there was only stories of disappointment and regret when really the plan should always be to get the baby out as safely as possible with as little intervention as possible.
    I wish you all the strength and support to enjoy this final delivery. x
    Claudia recently posted..Food for thought…….

  5. Kat @ Loving {Almost} Every Moment
    June 13, 2012 | 11:15 am

    It is true…the more you plan the more you set yourself up for disappointment. And this applies to anything in life, really.

    However, there is some value in knowing what you want and need. Being an active participant in your birth (and in your life!) is crucial to feeling empowered. So while you shouldn’t try to plan a birth down to the last second…it is important that a woman know what she wants, that she feels she can express her wants and needs, and that she has a supportive team to make these happen.

    Congrats and all the best with your upcoming birth!

  6. MomeeeZen
    June 13, 2012 | 11:48 am

    I like the idea of a road map. Not really a set route, just a general idea of where you are going and how you want to get there!

  7. The Pepperrific Life
    June 14, 2012 | 3:44 pm

    A strong faith in God helps too, I guess. If we trust Him to be in control, then things will go well- whether planned or unplanned.

    Good luck, and take care!

  8. Laura
    June 14, 2012 | 6:39 pm

    Yes, there is a fine line between knowing what you want, knowing what is possible, and getting let down when it doesn’t happen how you envisioned it. My first was pretty close to what I envisioned, yet I still felt a bit let down that I failed to realize how exhausted I would be.
    Laura recently posted..Instinct – Embracing Your Birth Experience

  9. Maxabella
    June 15, 2012 | 10:11 pm

    What an amazing birth experience and so different to your first. Having experienced all different kinds of birthing, all I know is that you get what you get and you don’t get upset. Honestly, that’s how I feel. It is what it is and the truly important birth experience comes later – the birth of your relationship with your child.

    Thanks so much for sharing, Tat. x
    Maxabella recently posted..Grateful takes a break, but I (fortunately) do not… this heading makes perfect sense when you are drugged up to the high-balls

  10. Veronica @ Mixed Gems
    June 15, 2012 | 11:39 pm

    My plan both times was to trust my OB. With high risk involved and him being the expert, I chose what I felt to be the safest route. I did want a water birth but that was vetoed due to risks. In the end I had to have two c-sections. I wasn’t heartbroken about it though I guess some might say I’ve missed out on a “rite of passage” as a woman. Still, it was most important that my bubs and were safe and healthy so I stuck with that.
    Veronica @ Mixed Gems recently posted..Voice, Darren Percival and Blogging

  11. Andrea @ talesofgoodness
    June 18, 2012 | 11:03 am

    I get this. My second birth also was faster than I had expected. I had a plan though. But like you, no expectations of attaining the plan. I’d learned that one the first time around. Good luck with your next. I’m sure whatever you choose (or not) will be wonderful just right.
    Andrea @ talesofgoodness recently posted..Shoddy Garden, Happy Me

  12. Alinka @ Baby Web
    June 21, 2012 | 2:42 am

    Wow! What a quick birth! Hope I can beat the record when I give birth to my daughter next month :) You are truly blessed for having had such a wonderful and quick birthing experience!

  13. Jan@MiniYou.com.au
    June 21, 2012 | 5:47 pm

    That was a quick and amazing birth experience. I am sure you are happy with the result, you did not undergo with a long hours pain, other first time mum would take like 7hrs or more. I had C-section and a first time mum. I did not experience the contraction, I felt like I’ve missed something. But my OB suggest that was the best for me due to many reason, like my heart and etc. Well I trust her so I decided to do it. What matters most is we are both safe and healthy. I did not plan anything either, I take it as it goes. I just cross my calendar for the big day of my delivery and excited to see my baby. I am seriously hoping that you will get the same experience for your second one :)

  14. Seana Smith
    June 24, 2012 | 7:31 am

    This is a good idea. The plan is there is no plan. The water pool is there if that works at the time. My second baby came fast too, painful! But good. Love a birth story.

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Hi, I'm Tat. I believe that through motherhood we're given another chance to find ourselves, grow and shine. I have three beautiful children and I learn a lot from them every day. This year I'm searching for ease in everything I do.More about me and my blog »